A Truly Ashamed Control Freak

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I so do not want to admit that!

After months of finally learning to let go of things I could not control and was just living life floating along merrily, I am truly ashamed to admit I did a total 180. I have come to realize subconsciously (and consciously?) I turned into a total control freak.

My brain has been around the block and is so much smarter to know this is not the route to go, but apparently a few weeks back, I turned down a dark alley and ended up on a detour route not expected.

I think my mind can be my worse enemy. I am an over-analyzer, constant wonderer, and a daydreamer. Every so often, I guess it backfires to have a mind as I do. And this week proved that to me. I am mega determined to let go of my control freakiness.

Now not only having to deal with my shame of allowing myself to go there, I also am dealing with the physical stress that caught up to me. What has consumed my mind has controlled my life.

I have learned the hard lesson that I cannot control anything out of my control. When you are in control mode, you cannot enjoy anything.

No Bueno. And no mas!

One of my happiest moments some months back was when I found the courage to let go of what I cannot change and just accept what is. I was walking on cloud nine and glowing. It was an incredible way to live that was new to me.

I promise to myself that today is the first day of going back to that way of living. I slipped up but it is okay. I can get back on track and I will be able to go back to my laid back ways.

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I am reaffirming this to myself today:

I must let go of the need to control the outcome.

I must trust the process.

I must trust my intuition.

And I must trust myself.

Let go and channel the energy into living fully now.

There lies a faith in the absence of control. There lies inner peace in the absence of control. There lies a spiritual journey in the absence of control.

Today will be what it is. And tomorrow too.

I am starting to feel like my old self already… and as I have let it all go today in regards to control, I noticed things falling right back into place. Already, in just one day.

Aaah, a life lesson: Let that shit go.

I have walked out of that dark alley and am back on the right road. I do not want to be ashamed no more…but instead a proud un-control freak. images (12)

One thought on “A Truly Ashamed Control Freak

  1. I don’t know how I missed this last week…but thank you for sharing it. It resonates to me today and makes me look at what’s going on in my world. It’s a never ending process for learning and growing and becoming the individuals we need to become.

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