Free As a Bird

images-52 A friend the other day said to me, “You’re lucky to be a free bird with so much independence”.

At first after reading the text, I was thinking, “Are you crazy!?” I am not a free bird by choice.

Sometimes you marry the wrong person and I did. He was not a bad man, just not for me. I loved my ex but was not in love with him anymore, but I never really thought about divorce as an option.

I loved marriage and I loved being a wife. Even when things were not great, I always worked hard to be a caring and kind wife. I made sure I could be attentive even when our connection was not present. That was all I ever knew.

And then… one day I became a free bird.

I have never really viewed singlehood and being a divorced woman as a positive thing.

How could my friend be saying it was a positive thing?

I have never judged others and am overly compassionate and sensitive to anyone who has walked the path I have walked, but to myself, I still find myself feeling a bit of a failure.

Having not found love again, I have found myself feeling a bit of a failure.

Having not completed more of my dreams along my life’s journey, I have found myself feeling a bit of a failure.

Have I proved I am a 100% independent strong girl who can do it all by myself, heck yeah. Can I hold my own? Yes I can. Do I need a man to provide me with a home or a car or the things in life I need or want? No.

But being independent and alone is not exactly my white picket fence fantasy with a happy marriage and a family with a dog running in the front yard.

So, the other day, when I was told these words by someone I respect, I was like WTF.

But then weirdly, it hit me like a ton of bricks on the head.

For several days I have been pondering these words…and the more I thought about these words, I began to understand.

I had felt stuck before. I was stuck in my marriage. My whole world felt stuck. I had tried the fight to do everything that could make life happier and it just was not possible. So I chose (along with my ex amicably) to no longer be stuck.

I chose to become a free bird. images-46

I chose to attempt to create a life where I was free, felt free, and can be free.

It was not until this day, that I realized that could be where I am if I changed my way of thinking. Instead of thinking as a failure or as a divorced woman, I can think of myself as truly free.

This almost instantly removes weight from my shoulders.  It sure is deep, profound.

And so true.

As I thought about what was said to me, I realized my friend is stuck. And I understood the words on a different level than ever before.

Being stuck is suffocating and all we want to be as humans is free.

Free to be happy. Free to be loved. Free to be able to fulfill the things in life we want. When we feel stuck, there is no free.

And it took me hearing these words to realize being free by myself is not a negative thing.

I have always been independent but not free. This means that I call the shots. I report to no one. I can live my life however I wish. I am truly free. Free to be me. It is about a freedom to live light, make and take life as it comes, and fulfill those things on my new bucket list.

And I do believe someday, I will be in a different place but for now, I get it. images-8

I am that free bird soaring through the air.

That girl cruising along the road of life with the top down on the car.

And when one is at peace with this status, I think the sky’s the limit.

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