The Two Married Men in My Life

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Not just one married man in my life but two have crossed into my world lately.

First one, is my ex-husband.

A distant co-worker of his texted me asking if my ex had gotten married. I had no idea but figured at that point it must have occurred. I was shocked for oh, about, one second, and then I was over it. It was mentioned by a friend of his some days later, so therefore it is true. I do genuinely wish him happiness.

But… I SO hate to admit this but I have kind of been playing the victim role here.

Ugh, did I really just admit that?

He made some mistakes and did some pretty hurtful things. I am not perfect and could have done better, but I always treated him as kind as I could. I always supported him and was there for him. I cannot say I always received that back.

Therefore why am I the one still single?

Shouldn’t the nicer one have found someone first?

I am not going to lie… it’s taken a few weeks to process this and know that I am just as worthy of finding love as he.

I am worthy and will find love again.

After thinking about my questioning as to why I am still single, I am proud of myself for just being me. I have been okay with being single and not feeling the need to be married again, right this second. I have chased no man. I have not put myself into a not healthy relationship.

I would love to have a man in my life and I will meet him someday. And I believe in marriage and I believe in love…

I love love…with the right person.

Which leads me to the other married man…

Along comes the man of my dreams.

What in the world and what made me open my eyes to witnessing something big?

I have known this man for over a decade but only seen him a dozen times over the years. He is handsome and kind but I never thought twice when I was married or even as a single girl. He was just a nice guy.

Fast forward to two weeks ago and I learned something more about him…and me.

He is everything I want in a man. He even is everything I wanted in a man from my 19-year-old checklist. No one I have ever dated or met or even my ex-husband were everything on my list.

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I, of course, have not shared those thoughts but did tell him that his wife is one lucky woman. The life they share sounds wonderful and their daughter they are raising is beautiful. It was neat to listen to someone share their world like he did and talk about his family as he did.

I have not even been looking for anyone with all the things on that checklist before. I thought petty things on the old checklist did not matter. I thought being open-minded to those I have gone on dates with, even if they were not exactly my type was okay.

Maybe open-minded is not the way to go?

Maybe it is okay to be picky and selective?

I have tried to accept things that are different from what I look for or want in a man. I have tried to be open to these men for who they are and that if there is a connection, I could adapt. Maybe that is why my dating stints have not brought much luck.

Well, I am realizing now, I refuse to go any less than the man of my dreams. It was not until recently Mr. Man of My Dreams and I had a couple conversations at a training class for work.

This wonderful man made me truly realize a few things.

1) That with the right person, I should completely be able to be myself.
2) That I am not going to settle. For the first time, I realized I cannot settle.

So, as I move forward with fond memories of both these men (and maybe a few not-so-fond for my ex!), I am on a mission to find the one who is meant for me.

My checklist is in hand and I am truly amazed at how such a lesson really showed me what I want and need from two men that are married and two men that are not meant for me.

Having both these men take part in my life the past few weeks (mainly in thought) has shown me what I am looking for and who knows, maybe someday, it will be my turn to walk down the aisle again.

But most importantly, the dream is finding a wonderful, kind, caring, happy man who I have a real connection with, who laughs, and who thinks I am the best thing since sliced bread.
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Now that will be the real man of my dreams. images5NHQBLDE

2 thoughts on “The Two Married Men in My Life

  1. I love it! You opened up and admitted things that are hard to admit! I am proud of you for putting the fingers to the keyboard, as pen to paper doesn’t fit anymore in this day and age. You are a beautiful woman who will find her checklist man! He is looking for you. He will cross your path in the future! I hope the near future, but he will cross your path! Just continue being you! Love you babes and I am honored to call you a friend and a sister!

    Thank You,

    Janae

    >

  2. Lady Fox,

    I like that you are transparent in this post, it takes courage to admit to yourself the role you play in your own life — thank you for that. It is very brave to write out the angst you’ve been feeling and then to go on and share what you desire in life. For me, I feel like it’s healthy to get all of that off your chest and into the universe where others can support you and grow along with you.

    I did notice something in your post that I wanted to specifically comment on, you wrote:

    “He even is everything I wanted in a man from my 19-year-old checklist.”

    Just food-for-thought for you, a 19-year-old list for anything is nearly two decades old. From the simplest list, let’s say a grocery list – I know that I’ve completely changed the way I shop for groceries now versus the way I shopped 19 years ago. If I used that same list I would be eating a whole bunch of stuff that doesn’t agree with my body today. I am different, I have grown and changed, so does my list.

    So much changes with women in 19 years, especially if we got married and divorced. Of course, a married person who is a friend (whom you are obviously close to) will appear “perfect” because you are not married to him. But no one is perfect, only a spouse sees the other side – that is the blessing in a marriage, we get to embrace all the good, bad and ugly about another human being and then declare to the world “I love him still!” It is a gift to him that his wife loves him even with his flaws, and it is a gift to her that he loves her back – because she too, is flawed.

    I think what I am trying to say is that human beings are flawed, there isn’t a person on the planet who can match up to a checklist, there will inevitably be a box missed… but maybe when things really fall into place that “perfect-for-you” guy will get all the really important boxes checked off on your list and you will be able to accept those parts of him that are flawed and less than perfect.

    I hope Mr. Perfect-for-You Guy is just around the corner! 🙂

    Necee

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