I used to be a person who feared a lot. I was a scaredy-cat. I would get anxious over fears that I should never have had. I remember my mom saying when I was young (how does the brain recall this?) that I should not be standing behind her leg (in that moment) for there was nothing to be afraid of, like who she was introducing me to at the time.
Unfortunately irrational fears lived inside me for quite some time. Decades to be exact. It was not until after my divorce did something inside me realize I did not have to fear life. It was at this exact point in my life that fears I had were thrown into my face with no other than having to learn to face them head on.
I was being faced with fears of failure, being alone, rejection, fear of starting over and losing more, and fear of change. I did not have a choice, it was what it was.
To this day I use those words, “It is what it is” quite often to be exact. Those words never came out of my mouth before life crumbled.
As I slowly picked myself up from crumbling on the floor, I started to realize that all the fears I was facing and had been forced to face were there. Right there, in my face. The fear would have to be crushed, grieved, and processed for me to move on.
It was too painful to not face the fears and deal with reality and face the new life I would have to grow into. I promised myself no matter what I did, I would face every ounce of pain and be as healthy as I could be.
When one decides to face fear, it is one powerful transformation that takes place.
So, when it comes to your greatest fear, what is it?
Is it a fear of failure?
Is it a fear of rejection?
Is it a fear of success?
Is it a fear of abandonment or being alone?
Is it a fear of hurting and pain?
Is it a fear of losing people close to you?
Is it a fear of change?
I went to a life-coach workshop this morning where we discussed fear.
I learned that fear can have a positive and negative side to it.
Did you ever think fear could be feeding you in a positive way?
With the benefits in fear, it may be providing you with a safe place, a comfort zone. It may be keeping your space small or allowing you to not have to be vulnerable.
All decent reasons, right?
There are also the negative sides to fear which include: keeping you from growth or change, keeping you in a safe and comfortable place, or keeping you from experiences.
Lately I have been able to combat some fears that I have had for a long long time. Just in fighting those fears, something as simple as jumping off the 10+ feet high rise plank into muddy water at Tough Mudder or handing out my business cards inviting people to read my blog and column, it has been eye opening in ways unimaginable.
That young girl who grew up with anxiety, who feared many things, and grew into an adult woman who was still scared and afraid has been able to finally shed some of that negative weight. I never thought shaking in my boots to do something I am afraid of would be capable of lifting sheer weight off.
I have been taught through fighting fears that I can stand on my two feet, learning to become.
Becoming the woman I am supposed to be.
But back to fears and their positive sides, some may have a good place in one’s life. They may be feeding something that works. While I do believe this can be, I do understand now the importance of fighting most of our fears and conquering. Life is a journey and how can it be a journey if we do not push forth to grow, change, and conquer?
So, analyzing my current fear, I am trying to determine if my positive or negatives outweigh each other to determine if I need to fight this fear or is it in fact working for me right now.
We must let go of the fear of making mistakes. There is not one person who has not made mistakes and not one person who is perfect. We must strive for excellence and not perfection. We must reach out to our potential and without fighting some fears we cannot reach that.
We must let go of the fear of anything that is holding you back from wanting to do something. And in the end, it may not work out as you had hoped or as a total success, but what about the fighting fears process to get there? You must give yourself credit in doing that.
Having fears is normal in life. We all have one or two, or more.
If you could work on fighting a fear of yours today, what would it be?