I find myself in a dead-end job with no advancement and as of today, I have come to the decision that I will remain doing this job until retirement.
Is that the right thing to do?
Here I am going against everything I said I would never do. I said I would never work just for the money or the benefits, but looks like I must do that from here on out.
I really should not complain, but I did not anticipate I would still be working this job, let alone thinking of another twelve years here, oy vey.
Ten years ago, I had plans to change jobs but that never panned out. It is a bit surprising I am still here but life took some turns and my life plans changed.
I guess I have changed too.
Before my divorce a couple years ago, I continued to stay at my job even after I was ready to leave, because it gave my ex-husband peace of mind. He had (and probably still has?) irrational money fears. He feared he would run out of money someday and it drove him to everything he did or didn’t do. I realize now we sometimes did not live life so that we would not spend money.
I guess it was a good thing I stayed at my job, since now that I am going through life solo, it sure is good to have job security, a steady paycheck, and the certainty of not being laid off. With the unsure economy and job market, I have made no effort to leave but in my heart I have dreamed of a career change.
I really have never thought about my retirement options until last night. My co-workers talk all the time, but I just do not pay much attention. Knowing I have a tad bit over a decade, I knew there was plenty of time to figure things out.
I sure am grateful the conversation came out last night with a coworker. Work was slow and we were sitting talking and he asked me what my plans were for retirement. I shocked myself since I could not produce an answer.
With all my dreams and desires for the future, how could I not answer that simple question?
We got the calculator out and starting crunching numbers for us both. It was super suprising to see how comfortable I will be with 30 years of service and that it would be best to wait out twelve more years.
I sat there thinking my 40s are approaching and I would love to have an exciting change for the new decade ahead. The 40s are the new 30s. I look forward to these years but realize that I must sacrifice for security when I am older.
It has been a sobering day to say the least. A disappointing but somehow empowering day. As I say a lot, it is what it is. I no longer am finding myself questioning do I stay or do I go?
I know what I need to do.
And I must make peace with this.
I am right where I need to be.