I am shaking my head over all the things I have taken on in the past few weeks. I went from saying I would not put the pressure on myself to be caught up with New Year’s resolutions but apparently decided to take a different route. Along with the Oprah eCourse, working on myself, working out again, logging my food, chopping my long hair off above the chin line, I have now enrolled in school.
It was not until junior college (my grades were not good enough to get into Cal State) that I learned how much I loved learning when it was classes that were of interest. (You can tell I must not have felt that way with my high school studies… I was too busy with my extracurricular activities and playing sports to like math or history…) Junior college suited me well and taught me a lot about good writing, journalism and the foundation of my career. I stayed a little too long there but that’s okay. I got a vast world of knowledge and learned.
I do not miss driving to school, walking in the cold or heat to class, sitting in class, and walking back to the car.
Am I that lazy?
With my career, I could never return to a traditional class setting anyway. I received my Bachelor’s Degree online in 2006 and someday will return for my Master’s. I was contemplating starting that this year, but I decided against it as to not incur school debt since I paid off my student loans years back and want no more!
I decided to sign up for an online nutrition class at the local community college instead. It would fit with my wanting to eat clean and be healthier. I never learned this stuff so therefore it is time.
I went to campus the other day to pay for the class since I was having trouble enrolling online. It was me overlooking something simple.
DUH! I cannot believe the blonde moments I sometimes have! (A blonde coworker even told me I must have some hidden blond hairs under my brown!)
But I am glad I went since it made me think…and this blog stems from that moment.
After enrolling and paying for the course, I went to the bookstore. The students had a different style than when I was in school. Students’ clothing was sure a statement. I am not sure what they were trying to convey but I would not be caught dead in much of their attire. Not saying I have the best style or the most normal of styles, but the clothing was just out there. Not to say the clothes we wore back in school were probably any better!
I was people watching and people appeared to be watching me. I wondered how old people thought I was. I had my work backpack on, so I looked younger, right?
I get in line at the bookstore and looked around at the people in front of me and the people behind me. I stood there waiting and it really took me back to that age. Here I stood almost 20 years older than them.
I realized I had a wallet with money and a credit card in it inside my backpack. I realized I am self-sufficient for that money in my wallet. My father financially helped me with school when I was young. So grateful to have had the help since my minimum wage job back then barely covered gas.
I asked myself if I could go back in time to be their age once again with the knowledge I know now, would I do it.
I was super shocked! In my mind, in that moment, did I really say no? There’s no way I said no. I kept thinking and realized in that very moment, I would not trade back almost 20 years of life to go back.
I watched a young couple in front of me hugging and talking and realizing how much life they were going to see…and probably not together. I watched a mom with her daughter wondering at what age her daughter will be when she becomes a mom. I stood there hugging my textbook in my arms, feeling rather good at where I was at.
But why would I not want to go back and do life over?
I do not really have any regrets, but life did not turn out as I have planned. I am still kind of sad about that. Over what could have been, but just sad.
If I went back, would life have been different the second time around?
It was a weird feeling standing there. I asked myself again and still said no. Was it because I realized how independent I am and how even though I am not where I ever thought I’d be or want to be, I am somewhere. Or did I not want to trade what my last 20 years have been? There were some wonderful times.
So, staying where I am, I see I am learning, growing, changing, becoming. I guess this means I have accepted where I am at and the past is what it is. Growing up must sound hard to me to think I would not return to that age, even if my knowledge could go with me.
In that very moment, which I am still shocked about, I guess I realized I am where I am. That life is a learning lesson and I have been through tons. And tons more to go. Even though I have gray hair now, I still feel young and feel I have a lot of life ahead.
Here’s to learning more in my textbook of life. (And that permission slip to now have a glass of wine when I do my homework!)