Today is my mother’s birthday. I am re-posting my post from my old blog from last year. I would still celebrate with her the same way today.
Today is my mother’s birthday. If I could celebrate with her today, I would take her to Starbucks, pedicures, shopping, and dinner. I never got to take her to dinner or pay for her shopping purchases. I never had a pedicure with her. I never shared a cup of coffee with her. It would be such a fun day and evening.
Since I only spent sixteen years with my mom (technically 15.5), I have missed out on so many things with her. I am incredibly grateful for the short life I had with her. I am honored she was in my life and my mom.
I guess technically I never got to know my mom fully. I guess I am still a kid or teenager when I think of her and my life with her. I cannot remember her ever complaining or not doing things for me. Not a day went by after making dinner or getting home after a long day, that she did not make my lunch for the following day. I can’t say I always liked what I saw when I opened up my lunch box at school, but I would eat it all today with no reservations!
She called me “her shadow” when she talked to others, held our family together, and left me with some everlasting messages of life. While she never taught me how to put on make up or got in a car with me driving or saw me graduate or get married, I’ve always known she is with me. She has been my shadow all these years and I never really felt like she was absent. The time I missed her most was weirdly after buying my second house (my dream home) in the town of my dreams and she could not see it or come visit. At the age of 28, I missed her more than all the years put together.
The everlasting messages she taught me I hope to share with children of my own someday. She loved books and loved to read. She was never without her book bag and her book in the car, or a book in her purse. I cherish my memories of going to the library when I was young with her. She would bring my cloth bag and I could pick out as many books that fit in the bag. And in my teenage years, we would head off for an hour or more browsing the aisles of Crown Books. I was horrible at reading but was always allowed to buy a book or two and started my collection of books in my open-based nightstand. I would sit on the floor and look through my books from time to time.
This is one of my burning questions I wish I could ask my mom. And when I see her in heaven one day, for sure I will. I was never afraid to go to the dentist or the doctor’s and I know it’s because of my mom. When I was very little, my pediatrician’s office was in Beverly Hills. After every appointment, we would go to the toy store a building or two over and I could pick out one thing. I remember my doctor and my mom working out my fears when I was sick and needed a shot. I was no longer afraid and knew a toy was coming. So, my question is did she just let me go to the toy store because she felt bad for me or was she conditioning me to associate a toy with going to the doctor’s? I am eternally grateful for this because most of everyone I know HATES or avoids the doctor or dentist for fear of it. I have no problems going there. I don’t like it but I am not afraid. If I ever have children, this will be a top priority seeing that almost forty years later, I am okay because of her technique. I would love to be able to take that stress out of my children’s adulthood.
I feel guilty for this thing I did to my mom. I now realize how hard it must have been being woken up every night for Lord knows how many years? I never heard her complain, she never told me to stop, and she always put me first. I owe her for that. When I would have to wake up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, apparently I was afraid of the dark. I would wake her up, than go to the bathroom and she would put her robe on, walk me back to my room and tuck me in. Yikes, I feel guilty for interrupting her sleep.
Having heard and seeing what I see about motherhood, life truly becomes about putting yourself in second place. I love that my mom never skipped doing her makeup, always found time to treat herself to getting her nails and toes done, going to the gym or taking some form of exercise class and obviously knew how to take care of her family while taking care of herself. I think it is very important for a woman to put themselves first and feel good. While being a mother is their #1 job, it does not mean they have to let go of themselves, health or beauty. Being a woman and a wife is just as important. And she had pure class.
I saw a quote the other day that I really liked. It read, “All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.” While realistically it does not apply to my life since my father and me just living life really made me who I am, I love to think I am a bit like my mom and with her great life messages, I could maybe one day be as good a woman as she was. I know there was a vulnerable darker side of her that I never knew but I choose to define her as the confident incredible woman I saw through my young eyes.
So, with that, Happy Birthday Mom.