Today, one of my best girlfriends said to me, “I’m losing hope” referring to ever finding the man she is supposed to settle down with. She said, “Maybe I’ll just live the single life…” meaning she was not sure she will ever get married or have children. She is approaching her 26th birthday (which I cannot remember mine for it was so many years ago!), is absolutely gorgeous, sweet and successful and if she isn’t having luck finding the one, what is to say I will ever be able to?
Is there such thing as real love? Ridiculous, consuming, can’t-live-without-each other real love?
I let the words “Maybe I’ll just live the single life” circle through my mind a few times. It actually sounded pretty good. It defined singlehood as a woman free. It defined freedom to just be. I envisioned a woman single and fabulous living life to its full potential.
But how come here I am, right in the smack middle of singlehood and I do not see myself as described above? Does this mean I am guilty of not living in the moment if I am thinking about why I am single or if I will ever meet ‘the one’?
So, for the women in my life who are single including myself, how come we cannot find a wonderful man to share our lives with? We focus on our own lives, have good paying careers, are self sufficient, and don’t need a man to complete us, but what makes finding someone to share our lives so difficult?
Do we live in the wrong cities? Is it easier to find someone as a single girl living in New York or Los Angeles? Does it mean we are going to the wrong places? Does it mean we must be dating online or going to bars late at night? If we dwell on the fact that we cannot find someone to share life with, does this make us single and desperate?
I think about how far I have come since my divorce. While I do not know what the future holds and there are times I think I may be alone forever, I do know a few things for sure.
Single women are brave.
She walks an unaccompanied path.
She makes her own decisions, decides her own rules and she’s her own ‘better half’.
She is not afraid of vulnerability or being afraid to stumble when she falls. She may get it wrong as often as she gets it right, but she never gives up fight.
She may be wondering if a past relationship could have gone different, but that does not stop her from moving forward even if its hard to cut strings.
Why was he brought into my life? What lessons did his presence and now lack of presence supposed to teach me? Will I ever be able to be fully over him if I feel there is unfinished business between us? Oh wait, maybe it just means you’re not worthy of me.
In the midst of singlehood, fabulousness and resilience resumes. And the focus on good is back: I don’t have to shave my legs every day if I don’t want to. I may be battle scarred but not broken. I am not going to play games. And single does not have to mean lonely.
So to all you single ladies out there, at the end of the day, next time you check the box “S” for single, remember this: No longer is “S” a scarlet letter to be ashamed of, but a mark of your true Superwoman status. Single is no longer a lack of options – but a choice. A choice to refuse to let your life be defined by your relationship status but to live every day Happily and let your Ever After work itself out. Whether or not you have someone in the passenger seat, you are still the driver of your own life and can take whatever road you choose. So the next time you hit a speed bump otherwise known as the age-old question “Why are you still single?” look ‘em in the eye and say, “Because I’m too fabulous to settle.”