How in the world did this happen when I was working so diligently to get where I wanted to be and was so close to being there? Now where am I supposed to be? And what am I supposed to be doing?
I somehow do not know how I got where I am. I was running smoothly on the path towards everything being on track and making leeway. I went in a total 180 degree skid. Everything has been whizzing by me at 100 mph.
Everything I had a plan for lately, did not work out as I had hoped or dreamed. The extreme feelings of high and elation went back out the window. I went back to the drawing board these past few days and am working on figuring out where I am supposed to be again.
I know life is exactly where you’re supposed to be and there is a life lesson attached to learn from it – in that moment – but I am just completely taken aback to how lost I feel. It’s not a bad thing necessarily, just a surprise element attached.
I have learned life can feel right on track and then before you know it after a few things taking its own course against plan, all is askew. The emotions that have gone with everything in the past few weeks has been weird: positive, negative, shocked, angry, happy, sad, lightweight, stressed, flustered, confused.
I have definitely been faced with re-learning the true definition of patience and have realized life is not about controlling it. It has controlled me in every sense and it’s now all in how I am responding to it.
I have decided I must go with it and not fight it. I will respond with tenacity and my fortitude will not waiver. I will breathe and just handle what I can, one thing at a time. I am disappointed in myself for falling off course but realizing this is a part of life sometimes.
What is the lesson I am supposed to be taking from the past few weeks? What was God’s message to me? Would I have done anything different now looking back? I do not think so. Even though I am disappointed, I do not regret my decisions. And I must let go of the anger that things did not go as I had hoped for.
So, as I turn the steering wheel back from the detour route, I am battling not to lose hope that things will all work out down the road.